I have been dreading this day since I started this project. I've been thinking about it constantly and I have yet to figure out what I am going to say. Love is probably the hardest thing to understand, the most complicated to explain, but when you feel it you know, and then it all makes sense.
Love.
L. O. V. E.
It can not be summed up in one sentence.
Love is...
affection, adoration, passion, trouble, undeniable, insanity, madness, unpredictable, obsession, sunshine, greatest gift given, feeling of the heart that surpasses all others. It is a glance, a touch, a word. Love is eternal.
What does love do?
has power beyond this world, has power to transform, rules thought and action, ignores rational thought, burns in the heart, surpasses all other desires, neglects everything but the object of it's affection, makes 2 into 1.
Why do we love?
to feel whole, real, needed, accepted, happiness, something more powerful then ourselves. because is it an adventure, it's risky, its scary, but worth it every time.
How do we love?
We love with everything we have. Mind, body, soul. By service, kisses, compliments, gifts, dancing, singing, promises, marriage and families, forgetting ourselves. With time, walks, touches, letters, looks. We love completely.
I love how Yvaine in the movie StarDust explains love,
"You know when I said I knew little about love? That wasn’t true. I know a lot about love. I’ve seen it, centuries and centuries of it, and it was the only thing that made watching your world bearable. All those wars. Pain, lies, hate… It made me want to turn away and never look down again. But when I see the way that mankind loves… You could search to the furthest reaches of the universe and never find anything more beautiful. So yes, I know that love is uncontrollable. But I also know that it can be unpredictable, unexpected, uncontrollable, unbearable and strangely easy to mistake for loathing, and… What I’m trying to say, Tristan is… I think I love you. Is this love, Tristan? I never imagined I’d know it for myself. My heart… It feels like my chest can barely contain it. Like it’s trying to escape because it doesn’t belong to me any more. It belongs to you. And if you wanted it, I’d wish for nothing in exchange – no gifts. No goods. No demonstrations of devotion. Nothing but knowing you loved me too. Just your heart, in exchange for mine.
Love is the scariest thing in the world. Opening your heart to someone, being so vulnerable, entrusting it and hoping that it doesn't get broken. But without taking those chances the pain is worth nothing. Love shouldn't be feared or forced, but natural and real. Love is greater than any negative emotion. It helps us to forgive. It's the only way to forgive.
I have loved and have been loved.
I can tell you that love is different, every time. Very different.
For one, it was passion, trouble, and the "prefect fit"
For the other, it was friendship, understanding, and serving each other.
I loved differently.
And that may be the most wonderful thing of all about love.
It is unique.
It cannot be duplicated. It cannot be forced. Not true love.
:)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
4. What I Ate Today
I know this is a day late but I didn't get to bed until 4:30 this morning, besides I had to wait for the whole day to be done so I could tell you everything that I ate.
a couple of lemon head
A Special K bar
Wendy's #1 - Hamburger, small fries (that i shared with emma), and a small Dr. Pepper
Regular Cookie Dough Shake from Wendy's (split with Gray)
a few chips with bean dip.
half a symphony candy bar
A midnight milky way
I am super healthy. :)
a couple of lemon head
A Special K bar
Wendy's #1 - Hamburger, small fries (that i shared with emma), and a small Dr. Pepper
Regular Cookie Dough Shake from Wendy's (split with Gray)
a few chips with bean dip.
half a symphony candy bar
A midnight milky way
I am super healthy. :)
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
3. My Parents.
My parents.
They are fabulous.
This is my Mom and Dad. They are a good looking couple. Hard to believe they are 50 right? But what to say about that...
My parents met in 3rd grade and from then on it was love... Okay not really. My dad was moved to a seat next to my mom because he kept talking to his friends. The story goes that my dad did not notice my mom until they were in high school. My mom says that my dad was popular with the girls. (I wish I had a picture of them when they were younger. lol) I'm not really sure how they started dating only that some girl was mad at my dad and told my mom that she could have him. I guess she took the girl seriously and they were married right after high school.
My dad was not a member of the LDS church at that point and he did not join until a few years later when my mom put her little black bikini away. They were then sealed for eternity in the Temple. They went on to have 9 beautiful children and are currently working on building their family with grandchildren.
If you ask my dad when their first kiss was he will say Tuesday. Ask him when he first went on a date with mom he'll say tuesday. If you ask him when he knew that he loved her he'll say Tuesday. Tuesdays are a special day for my father.
MY DAD
He is one amazing fella.
He is such a wonderful example of service and faith.
He LOVES nascar. (we used to do a fantasy nascar every sunday)
he loves to go camping and show off all his awesome skills with a dutch oven. and let me tell you, he is good with that dutchoven.
He loves facebook and new technology. it's funny to watch him text or play games on his itouch.
he is amazing with cars. Actually he is amazing with anything. He's mr. fix it.
Is one of the most creative men that i know. He comes up with the most ridiculous stories and songs. I love that about him.
He loves to ride his 3-wheeler in the dunes.
Has a Ham radio and uses it alot.
He is a really good cook.
Has been getting thoughout the years at saying I love you to the kids. But really even though he doesn't always say it I know that he loves me because he lets me hold his hand and sit on his lap, even though I am 21 years old. He calls me on my birthday and sings me happy birthday. And he is always there for me when I need him.
MY MOM
She is such a wonderful example of service. She doesn't only serve her family but everyone else that seems to need help.
She loves geneology. (there she goes with the serving thing)
She is someone that I can go to for advice about boys.
She is a talentes seamstress.
She is super good at scrapbooking.
Her favorite ice cream is butter peacan
She loves to drive. and I mean she LOVES to drive.
She like to sit in the car outside the house during lightning storms
She had 5 of her children at home.
Loves rootbeer.
Has the most beautiful eyes and was super selfish for not sharing them with any of her children.
Is a great grandma.
She is allergic to metal but just got her ears pierced last year with my youngest sister.
I love my parents with all my heart and am super grateful that I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. They are a wonderful example of a loving relationship. They find new things to get into (like ham radio) to always have new things to talk to. They are fantastic parents and have taught their children how to be a hard worker and to serve those around you. As I have become old I have learned to come to them for advice. They know what's up yo :)I love them.
They are fabulous.
This is my Mom and Dad. They are a good looking couple. Hard to believe they are 50 right? But what to say about that...
My parents met in 3rd grade and from then on it was love... Okay not really. My dad was moved to a seat next to my mom because he kept talking to his friends. The story goes that my dad did not notice my mom until they were in high school. My mom says that my dad was popular with the girls. (I wish I had a picture of them when they were younger. lol) I'm not really sure how they started dating only that some girl was mad at my dad and told my mom that she could have him. I guess she took the girl seriously and they were married right after high school.
My dad was not a member of the LDS church at that point and he did not join until a few years later when my mom put her little black bikini away. They were then sealed for eternity in the Temple. They went on to have 9 beautiful children and are currently working on building their family with grandchildren.
If you ask my dad when their first kiss was he will say Tuesday. Ask him when he first went on a date with mom he'll say tuesday. If you ask him when he knew that he loved her he'll say Tuesday. Tuesdays are a special day for my father.
MY DAD
He is one amazing fella.
He is such a wonderful example of service and faith.
He LOVES nascar. (we used to do a fantasy nascar every sunday)
he loves to go camping and show off all his awesome skills with a dutch oven. and let me tell you, he is good with that dutchoven.
He loves facebook and new technology. it's funny to watch him text or play games on his itouch.
he is amazing with cars. Actually he is amazing with anything. He's mr. fix it.
Is one of the most creative men that i know. He comes up with the most ridiculous stories and songs. I love that about him.
He loves to ride his 3-wheeler in the dunes.
Has a Ham radio and uses it alot.
He is a really good cook.
Has been getting thoughout the years at saying I love you to the kids. But really even though he doesn't always say it I know that he loves me because he lets me hold his hand and sit on his lap, even though I am 21 years old. He calls me on my birthday and sings me happy birthday. And he is always there for me when I need him.
MY MOM
She is such a wonderful example of service. She doesn't only serve her family but everyone else that seems to need help.
She loves geneology. (there she goes with the serving thing)
She is someone that I can go to for advice about boys.
She is a talentes seamstress.
She is super good at scrapbooking.
Her favorite ice cream is butter peacan
She loves to drive. and I mean she LOVES to drive.
She like to sit in the car outside the house during lightning storms
She had 5 of her children at home.
Loves rootbeer.
Has the most beautiful eyes and was super selfish for not sharing them with any of her children.
Is a great grandma.
She is allergic to metal but just got her ears pierced last year with my youngest sister.
I love my parents with all my heart and am super grateful that I am sealed to them for time and all eternity. They are a wonderful example of a loving relationship. They find new things to get into (like ham radio) to always have new things to talk to. They are fantastic parents and have taught their children how to be a hard worker and to serve those around you. As I have become old I have learned to come to them for advice. They know what's up yo :)I love them.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
2 My First Love
He was the first guy that wanted to start out as friends... That really meant a lot to me.
We met the summer before my Senior year of High School. We worked together at the mall. We hung out once outside of work that summer and I had a lot of fun with him. We were good friends since he was going on his mission in a couple of months.
Fast forward 2 months. We have not talked at all during that time and we randomly start to text a month before he leaves. We text a lot, and talk for hours on the phone at night. He sent me a text "I fell for you with the shoe story" (i inherited a small portion of my dads story telling abilities and one night when he and i were closing i was telling him a made up story about some shoes). That was the first time I knew that he had any kind of feelings for me. And it just blossomed for both of us from there.
We went on our first date in October 2007. He took me to Jesters and then we went to a park afterwards to just hang out. We held hands for the first time, and also shared our first kiss. He was so nervous, but it was magical. That was the first time that a kiss had made my heart stop.
While I was in New York on a school trip, we were talking one night until 4 am. It was a wonderful conversation, so much laughing was involved (i fell off the bed laughing in my hotel room) We started talking about love, which eventually led to him boldly asking, "Are you falling in love with me?" I was silent for a long time because I knew at that moment that I was. My mouth finally figured out how to form the words, "Yes, I'm falling in love with you." Thinking back I can still hear him say, "Cristal, I am falling in love with you too."
We spent the last couple weeks he was home with each other. And when he finally left to serve the Lord for 2 years I was sad but I was so proud of him. Even though him and I only had a short relationship, he had changed me a lot for the better. He had seen the good inside of me and had brought that out. He was an amazing young man and sometimes I miss him, but we went our separate ways and it was for the best.
"If I was blind I could live off your laughter; it would be all the color that I would need" -NH
We met the summer before my Senior year of High School. We worked together at the mall. We hung out once outside of work that summer and I had a lot of fun with him. We were good friends since he was going on his mission in a couple of months.
Fast forward 2 months. We have not talked at all during that time and we randomly start to text a month before he leaves. We text a lot, and talk for hours on the phone at night. He sent me a text "I fell for you with the shoe story" (i inherited a small portion of my dads story telling abilities and one night when he and i were closing i was telling him a made up story about some shoes). That was the first time I knew that he had any kind of feelings for me. And it just blossomed for both of us from there.
We went on our first date in October 2007. He took me to Jesters and then we went to a park afterwards to just hang out. We held hands for the first time, and also shared our first kiss. He was so nervous, but it was magical. That was the first time that a kiss had made my heart stop.
While I was in New York on a school trip, we were talking one night until 4 am. It was a wonderful conversation, so much laughing was involved (i fell off the bed laughing in my hotel room) We started talking about love, which eventually led to him boldly asking, "Are you falling in love with me?" I was silent for a long time because I knew at that moment that I was. My mouth finally figured out how to form the words, "Yes, I'm falling in love with you." Thinking back I can still hear him say, "Cristal, I am falling in love with you too."
We spent the last couple weeks he was home with each other. And when he finally left to serve the Lord for 2 years I was sad but I was so proud of him. Even though him and I only had a short relationship, he had changed me a lot for the better. He had seen the good inside of me and had brought that out. He was an amazing young man and sometimes I miss him, but we went our separate ways and it was for the best.
"If I was blind I could live off your laughter; it would be all the color that I would need" -NH
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
1 Introduce Yourself With Pictures And Words.
I feel a little strange introducing myself to you guys, especially since mostly only my family looks at my blog... You know me. I shouldn't have to tell you what I am like...
But here goes. I am Cristal Marie Gillespie. My dad made a deal with my mom before I was born, that if my mom quit her job they could have another baby. And along came ME! :) YAY!
This is my favorite picture of me as a baby. I sure do miss my curls! Man was I a cutie!
Somethings you should know about me.
I am kinda lazy, I like to sit around and relax.
I LOVE sleeping. I think something is wrong with me because of the amount of sleep that I require
I love movies and reading but it's hard for me to find time for the latter
I love to dance. If I could do ANYTHING all day, it would be dancing
I am talkative and independent.
I have commitment issues. By the time I want to commit to someone they aren't interested anymore because of the amount of guys I am also dating.
I am a nanny to 4 energetic children, for a family that has welcomed me into their own.
Sometimes when I get upset I don't know how to handle it, so I say and do hurtful things. I'm working on a better way to express myself (Sorry to those that I've hurt)
My favorite candy is Midnight Milky Way.
I like short dates, and bonus points if the guy does not try to kiss me on the first date.
I am easy going but I like to have a plan.
I love lists (it makes me feel good to cross things off)
I hate writing papers.
I am the 5th of 9 kids. I love my family! They are the best! Sometimes I feel like an "old maid" though because I am not married yet, adding to the family. Or dating anyone... I should work on that. More about them another day though.
I live in Provo, Utah right now. As much as I miss my family and spending time with Rachael and the rest of the family at her sewing place, I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now. I wish I knew what it was though. Maybe it was so befriend my roommates. They have been such a wonderful example to me. Both of them have shown me how to be a better, kinder, more charitable, woman. They are such a strength to me.
At one point I did have a plan for this year but that was destroyed so right now I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I did just get a gym membership so that's exciting. I feel like a grown up.
I like to do silly things like undie-runs across a field, going through a carwash in the back of a truck, running around in tutu's, writing "inappropriate" saying on overpasses, ect. It keeps life interesting.
I work ALOT and I go on ALOT of dates.
I consistently watch GLEE, PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, and THE BACHELOR.
I have a testimony of the gospel and I try to live my life according to the teaching of the church. I've made mistakes, but I learned a lot from them and I think that they have made me stronger.
So that's me.
But here goes. I am Cristal Marie Gillespie. My dad made a deal with my mom before I was born, that if my mom quit her job they could have another baby. And along came ME! :) YAY!
This is my favorite picture of me as a baby. I sure do miss my curls! Man was I a cutie!
Somethings you should know about me.
I am kinda lazy, I like to sit around and relax.
I LOVE sleeping. I think something is wrong with me because of the amount of sleep that I require
I love movies and reading but it's hard for me to find time for the latter
I love to dance. If I could do ANYTHING all day, it would be dancing
I am talkative and independent.
I have commitment issues. By the time I want to commit to someone they aren't interested anymore because of the amount of guys I am also dating.
I am a nanny to 4 energetic children, for a family that has welcomed me into their own.
Sometimes when I get upset I don't know how to handle it, so I say and do hurtful things. I'm working on a better way to express myself (Sorry to those that I've hurt)
My favorite candy is Midnight Milky Way.
I like short dates, and bonus points if the guy does not try to kiss me on the first date.
I am easy going but I like to have a plan.
I love lists (it makes me feel good to cross things off)
I hate writing papers.
I am the 5th of 9 kids. I love my family! They are the best! Sometimes I feel like an "old maid" though because I am not married yet, adding to the family. Or dating anyone... I should work on that. More about them another day though.
I live in Provo, Utah right now. As much as I miss my family and spending time with Rachael and the rest of the family at her sewing place, I know that this is where I am supposed to be right now. I wish I knew what it was though. Maybe it was so befriend my roommates. They have been such a wonderful example to me. Both of them have shown me how to be a better, kinder, more charitable, woman. They are such a strength to me.
At one point I did have a plan for this year but that was destroyed so right now I am trying to figure out what to do with my life. I did just get a gym membership so that's exciting. I feel like a grown up.
I like to do silly things like undie-runs across a field, going through a carwash in the back of a truck, running around in tutu's, writing "inappropriate" saying on overpasses, ect. It keeps life interesting.
I work ALOT and I go on ALOT of dates.
I consistently watch GLEE, PRETTY LITTLE LIARS, and THE BACHELOR.
I have a testimony of the gospel and I try to live my life according to the teaching of the church. I've made mistakes, but I learned a lot from them and I think that they have made me stronger.
So that's me.
Friday, February 11, 2011
30 days of blogs
It sure does take me a long time to post anything. I ran across a blog last week that was doing 30 days of blogging. I thought that it would be a great adventure to start on. I could learn a little bit more about the people in my life, and probably a lot about me and what I think. I am excited to start this (on Monday, I won't be blogging on weekends) It will give me something to do since I am not in school and I have no direction in my life. So here we go, it's good to have a new adventure to depart on.
MY NEXT ADVENTURE
Day 1: Introduce yourself with pictures and words.
Day 2: Your first love
Day 3: Your parents
Day 4: What you ate today
Day 5: your definition of love
Day 6: Your day
Day 7: Your best friend
Day 8: A moment
Day 9: Your beliefs
Day 10: What your wore today
Day 11: Your Siblings
Day 12: What's in your bag
Day 13: This week
Day 14: What you wore today
Day 15: Your dreams
Day 16: Your first kiss
Day 17: Your favorite memory
Day 18: Your favorite birthday
Day 19: Something you regret
Day 20: This month
Day 21: Another moment
Day 22: Something that upsets you
Day 23: Something that makes you feel better
Day 24: Something that makes me cry
Day 25: A first
Day 26: your fears
Day 27: Your favorite place
Day 28: something you miss
Day 29: Your aspirations
Day 30: One last moment
MY NEXT ADVENTURE
Day 1: Introduce yourself with pictures and words.
Day 2: Your first love
Day 3: Your parents
Day 4: What you ate today
Day 5: your definition of love
Day 6: Your day
Day 7: Your best friend
Day 8: A moment
Day 9: Your beliefs
Day 10: What your wore today
Day 11: Your Siblings
Day 12: What's in your bag
Day 13: This week
Day 14: What you wore today
Day 15: Your dreams
Day 16: Your first kiss
Day 17: Your favorite memory
Day 18: Your favorite birthday
Day 19: Something you regret
Day 20: This month
Day 21: Another moment
Day 22: Something that upsets you
Day 23: Something that makes you feel better
Day 24: Something that makes me cry
Day 25: A first
Day 26: your fears
Day 27: Your favorite place
Day 28: something you miss
Day 29: Your aspirations
Day 30: One last moment
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Kids say the darndest things.
Saturday, FatCats hosted the Special Olympics and I was able to work the party. It was really fun, the people there were really nice and so excited to be bowling. They were also surprisingly really good at bowling. The Special Olympics came in 2 groups, the morning one's were not allowed to have assistance and the afternoon group were the assisted ones. After the morning group finished one of the competitors started talking to me. This was our conversation.
Him: "So what's your name?"
Me "Cristal, so you won a metal, that's super exciting. What was your score?"
Him. "It was 624... but that was 3 games combined"
Me "oh so your average was like 200?"
Him "Well, no. It was 60."
Me "oh yeah you have a handicap"
Now I did not mean it like that at all... Its the same as in golf, you have a handicap to get a better score or whatever it is for. It's not my fault that they call it that!! But i felt so bad and I don't think that he really appreciated it. :/
Him: "So what's your name?"
Me "Cristal, so you won a metal, that's super exciting. What was your score?"
Him. "It was 624... but that was 3 games combined"
Me "oh so your average was like 200?"
Him "Well, no. It was 60."
Me "oh yeah you have a handicap"
Now I did not mean it like that at all... Its the same as in golf, you have a handicap to get a better score or whatever it is for. It's not my fault that they call it that!! But i felt so bad and I don't think that he really appreciated it. :/
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